it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
