when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
