She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
