It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That accounts for only three of the penises
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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