Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
