don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
