Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
