just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
