She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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