i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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