i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
