just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
