Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize