guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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