I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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