i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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