You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
