is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
