so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
