my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
