she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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