It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
