if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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