Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
