The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You did what with his pubic hair?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
