She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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