I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
