like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
