I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So gin and wine won't be happening again
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
