none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
