she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
