Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
