I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
