i don't like sucking hair
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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