what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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