Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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