Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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