I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
