Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
