I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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