I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
