dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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