is your mom at the bar?
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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