At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize