is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
