3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
