my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
