There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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