I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
