i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
