why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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