i wish starbucks made bloody marys
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
