worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
