i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
