i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
