I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
