ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
