A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
