i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
