if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
