found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
