Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
