oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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