two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize