the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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