Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
