I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
