People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
