Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
