The maid of honor just puked.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
