I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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